Middle of the night ramblings

Worst blogger ever award goes to me. I know I know. I swore I’d write more. But life is insane y’all. Special needs parenting is indescribable. And balancing 3 livingnhis is hard. There’s never any time. Unless you’re in the hospital then all there is is time. Which leads me to here. Aria is sick but currently sleeping so here I am.

And here we are in September. I hate this time of year. Which sucks cause I really love fall. But all the memories and grief pops up around now and it’s smothering. Depression threatens even though its been in check for a while. Thank you medication 😘😘

After we brought Aria home I kept saying I need to write again. I need that outlet. But I never did. There was never time, or there was time but never the words. Or the words but saying them out loud (on paper) seems to give them life. And depression, cause let’s be honest, it sucks the life from you and leaves you with no desire to do shit. Including write when it makes you feel better.

So I didn’t write. And my anxiety was awful. Not that it’s ever great but damn.

But here we are,  as tonight I’m writing. Might be happening only because I saw a post in my facebook memories.  But what ever,  I’m here.

So we are currently inpatient with aria. And she is in this special hooded crib just in case she decided to climb out. Which is doubtful but hey I’m not going to put limitations on the girl. Anyways, the crib has these stickers telling you which end is which. And there are these two little feet on the sticker. And I sit and stare at them, they are the same size as Annaleigh’s. I measured my tattoo to them. And it’s mind blowing to see how tiny her little feet were.

And being here with aria makes me wonder what would life be like if we had all three of our girls. Aria is so much like Annaleigh it’s scary. And sobering. You can picture them together almost. I can see how life would have been. It’s a mind fuck.

I had a longer post in my mind but suddenly my eyes are heavy.  As 3am comes quickly

 

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