It’s been awhile. Things have been rather difficult. I’m slightly at a loss for words. I had a really great blog about Annaleigh’s birthday all white out and then of it was gone. And that pissed me off so I took a longer break. I’ll eventually rewrite it but not right now. It was a hard thing to write about.
Everything about life feels hard right now. For some reason I thought I’d get past her birthday and it would be like this huge weight of my shoulders and I’d see the world in color again. Everything would be alright again because I’d survived that first year. I’d made it through the year that was supposed to be the hardest.
Spoilers that wasn’t the case.
I’d been so dead set on handling that week well and getting through it without bracing down. And I did. I made it through without losing my mind. That is until Sunday. And then the years started and they just didn’t really stop.
A month out from her birthday pretty much and I’m going slightly better than the past few weeks. I don’t know. It all just seems hard. I want something to be easy. I want some part of this to be easy.
Living with grief, oy.
It’s a pain.
It’s enough to break me down some days.