Heartbreak in one picture

My two living children never met their sister.

We decided it was best for them to not come to the hospital while we had her.

It would be too hard to have them there we thought.

It is better this way.

I wish I could go back and redo it.

I wish they had the chance to meet her.

I wish they had the chance to hold her and love on her.

I wish I had just one picture of the three of them together.

My life is filled with I wish.

It’s hard to believe it has been almost a year already since she was born.

Almost a year since she died.

I’m amazed I’ve made it almost a year without my child.

But this isn’t about me.

This is about them.

Specifically my son.

He was 3.5 when Annaleigh died.

It was so hard to explain to him that she wasn’t going to come home.

He was so mad.

Over and over he said “I don’t want Annaleigh to die, I want her to come home”

Her being sick ment the doctors should give her yucky medicine and she would get all better.

Over and over “I want her to come home”

They were never told that she was cremated.

I’m not exactly sure how to explain that one to them.

They have never seen the box that holds her ashes.

That is until the other day.

Emmett came into the bedroom Sunday morning, we were still in bed and Eric had her box holding it.

He sat there watching his daddy hold this box.

Something clicked in his head that this box was connected to Annaleigh.

He started taking to her and kissing the box.

After a few minutes he asked if he could hold it.

Almost a year later my son held his baby sister.

Never did I imagine it would be this way.

We sat there watching him hold her box so gently.

And again he started saying “I didn’t want her to die.”

“I really love Annaleigh, I just wanted her to come home.”

Oh me to baby.

I wanted her to come home too.

He doesn’t think of himself as a big brother.

His little sister was stolen from him by an extra chromosome.

He will always be her big brother.

She will always be his baby sister.

Death can steal a lot of things but it CAN NOT stop love.

 

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2 thoughts on “Heartbreak in one picture

  1. You are amazing. Your story is amazing. You are by far one of the must amazing mothers I’ve ever met. One day your whole family will be back together and you’ll never have to feel incomplete again.

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