There is no longer a nursery in my house.
I took back everything I could. It was by far the worst trip to the store I’ve ever experienced. I was in tears the entire time. I managed to not panic, that was terribly difficult. And to top it off dealt with the absolute rudest woman I have had the displeasure of meeting. She refused to take back this entire buggy full of blankets, wipes, diapers, bottles, and baby toys until I told her the exact reason why I was returning them. Did I just buy too many? No I just don’t need them, nothing is wrong with them I just never got to use them. Well why are you bringing them back what’s the problem, I JUST DON’T NEED THEM! Well you have to be bringing them back for some reason. MY BABY IS DEAD. I DON’T NEED THEM! You would
assume hope that this would lead to some kindness but it didn’t. Instead all I got was well I don’t think they will take this much back. I stood there for about 20 minutes while she took her sweet time going through everything in front of me. She finally finishes and says this will need to be approved by a CSM, does she page one? Nope. One happens to show up and she tells them I need to return all this stuff because I don’t need them. And she says it like it is the foulest thing to ever grace her tongue. Lady I’m sorry you are working on Easter. I am. I’ve been there too. But I’m returning things I bought for my child. My child who died just 6 months ago.
But I did it. I made it, and a sweet lady in line behind me hugged me, asked if I was ok, and told me how sorry she was.
What I couldn’t return is all packed up to either sell or send to my sweet friends for their little ones.
The walls are
It isn’t completely done yet, but it is on its way.
It no longer looks like we are waiting for a baby to fill it.
I can no longer stand in the closet and go through the clothes one piece at a time.
I can move forward in my grief in a way.
It hurts so much, but it is also freeing
A weight has been lifted, this part of my life is over. I have two living children and that is ok. Soon their laughter will fill her empty room and bring the joy that is so desired.