Warning, I’m pissed

I’m pissed.

Really fucking pissed.

I want my daughter back.

I want to talk about her and have it be a normal fucking conversation not the other person being all well bless your heart and all that bull shit.

Ask my about her stop fucking shying away.

It’s not contagious Christ.

I’m not going to pass on my obviously shitty chromosomes with a conversation.

Those are apparently reserved for my unborn children.

You know because I like having my babies.com a fucking shelf instead of alive or better yet flushed down the toilet when I miscarry them.

I want my happy-go-lucky smiling fucking life!

Not the bite my tongue and hold back tears life.

Or the nightmares and panic attacks.

I don’t want to look at another baby and have a piece of me for inside.

I want to go back.

It’s not fucking fair!!

I’m a great mom I love my kids I shouldn’t have to have my daughter cremated and sitting on a shelf.

I shouldn’t have had to make the fucking choice to let her go.

I shouldn’t have had to hold her lifeless body.

I shouldn’t have had to give her back.

I shouldn’t be able to close my eyes and see her being pronounced over and over again. Because that is what happens.

Most nights I dream about her dying.

She should be here.

This shouldn’t be my life.

And I shouldn’t have had to miscarry just four months after her death.

Fuck this.

Fuck any kind of God that lets this happen.

I’m sick of the it’s all his plan bull shit.

Fuck.

Just fuck

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