I’m just here

I’m at a complete and utter loss for words.

The pain is dragging me down so far down.

I want to crawl into a hole and just die never come out.

I have no desire to do anything.

Breathing is excrutiating.

My stomach clenches

My entire body just shakes

Everything starts to spin

I’m loosing it

I’m doing so well and then I’m crashing

I miss her and I want her back.

I’m a broken record.

How many times can I say the same thing over and over?

How many times can my heart shatter?

How many times can I get back up before I break entirely?

How many times can I say I’m fine without someone realizing that I’m really not?

I don’t want to be strong

I don’t want to be brave

I want to be broken

And you know I want that to be ok.

I want people to recognize that getting out of bed is a big deal for me. That it is ok if that is all I can manage somedays.

I don’t want to be judged in my grief.

I am the one living it.

No one else is living it for me

Just ME

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