Comfortably numb

I’ve not had much to say this week. It’s all been, different.

I made it through today without breaking down.

I wonder if I’m getting to the point where I won’t live by the clock.

Where every Thursday at 12:31 I cry then again at 2:39 when she was pronounced, and then again around 6 because that is when we last saw her.

I can’t say I feel better, no I’ll never be better, there is no better when your baby is gone. But some times I do feel different.

I think back and know she never had pain only love. She was held her entire life.

It’s a beautiful tragic life.

How incredibly proud I am to be the one who gets to say I am her momma, and she is my girl.

I didn’t let today be filled with the should have beens.

Instead it was filed with the memories of her. The joy she brought and still brings. Like her fuzzy red hair and big ol feet. How when she came out she had those little hands held so tightly up by her face.

Today was surprisingly ok. Not great, but not horrible. I’ll take it.

Happy 14th week Annaleigh

I’ll love you forever
I’ll like you for always
As long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.

I love you sweetie.


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