Trying again

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It’s such a strange thing, being pregnant having a baby and then coming home empty handed.

We wanted that third child. We had a third child. But, there are only two here.

Trying again is absolutely terrifying.

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It’s a conflict of being excited, scared, and feeling guilty.

Wanting this baby do much you can feel it happening but knowing if she had lived this wouldn’t be happening.

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Earlier I said to Eric it is just so strange to say if she had lived.

We were in her room and I can’t imagine using her things for another baby. I have to protect them they are hers.

But if she had lived, I’d have no problem using them again. So why shouldn’t I use them for Lucy or Harrison?

She will be their big sister so why not use her stuff.We have everything, a nursery that is almost complete, just needs another coat of paint and to be set up the rest of the way.

I’m not afraid of trying again. I’m afraid of this happening again.

But I can’t let fear rule my life. I won’t. Fear will not good me back.

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We will bring home our rainbow baby.

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