12 weeks

The house is quiet.

Everyone is asleep but me.

I’m in your room again. Just sitting hoping to feel your presence. My tears flow freely when I’m alone, when it is just me and you. Putting on a brave face everyday, it’s just so hard, exhausting really. Pretending all the time.keeping it together so no one sees how much it truly hurts. When it’s me and you I don’t have to pretend.

No mask

Just me

Your momma.

Today you should have been 12 weeks old. Instead it’s been 12 weeks since I held you. Since I kissed your soft cheeks or rubbed your fuzzy little head. I can remember every thing about you. How big your little feet were, the little line on your chin, and those tiny little ears, sissy calls them your elf way ears.

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I never saw you open your eyes, I still wonder what their color would have been, Brown like mine and Emmett’s, green like sissy’s, or the blue green of your daddy’s. I never saw them but I know they were beautiful just like everything else.

Oh how I miss you my precious girl. I miss you so much it hurts to breath. I have to hold myself to keep from falling apart, shattering into a million pieces. I have to remind myself to breath to keep going for you and for them.

The night time is hard, there are no distractions. Just thoughts, memories, the realization that you are really gone. That I’m one day further from having held you. But it also puts me one day closer to holding you again.

My Annaleigh.

You keep me going.

You didn’t get to live so I live for you.

As long as I’m breathing you are still here.

Because of you we will love stronger, laugh harder, and give with all we got.

Though she be but little she is fierce. A midsummer night’s dream.

You will move mountains sweet girl. You already are.

I love you more than air,
Momma

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