waiting for the results

October 2nd that night was so scary. We tried our best to prep ourselves for the possibility that Annaleigh might come the next day. We wanted to make it to viability but gosh we had hoped to make it far past it. 24 weeks, her odds were not that good, and if she did survive how many problems would she have.

We didn’t sleep much that night we tried to fill ourselves with as much knowledge as we could. Babies with high cord doppler don’t usually stay in long after it is found out. The placenta stops functioning, the baby has a stroke. We knew she wouldn’t make it to be full term. A nicu stay was going to be in our future. But please please let us make it further than 24 weeks. Everyday gives her a better chance. We hoped to keep her in as long as we could, whatever it takes. Put me in the hospital I don’t care I just want her ok.

We got to the appointment and waited. It seemed like we were there an eternity. The tv was on, people came and went, we sat. Finally it was or turn. We walked like zombies back to the room, we went over everything. Weight gain maybe a pound but I’ve lost close to 20. Am I still throwing up, yes but not as bad. Baby moving ok, yes mostly in the evening. Did they found anything at the anatomy scan, nope evening looked great. Why are you being seen, cord doppler, slow growth, and a possible heart defect.

I was so scared I was shaking. They started the ultrasound and in true Annaleigh fashion she was being stubborn. Girl has her feet up over her head and didn’t want anyone to check her heart or her cord. They took all her measurements and then focused on her heart. Something was wrong I could tell. It just didn’t pump right. They spent so long on her heart multiple people came in to look. Yep this is not good.

Atrioventricular cannal defect. The middle of her heart wasn’t there just a hole. But it is fixable, she will need open heart surgery and to be delivered at 35 weeks at the latest. She isn’t coming today! We have time thank God! We have about 30 seconds of relief she isn’t coming today.

But. Damn that word. But, she has multiple markers of a chromosomal abnormality. She has multiple markers for down syndrome.

Oh wow.

Down syndrome.

Here we are again.

The risk has now gone up. We are most likely going to have a baby with downs. Ok, ok we can handle this right. We can we will. What do we need to do.

Our options, do nothing find out when she is born. But that doesn’t work for us, we need facts that is just how we are.

An amino, not going to lie the thought of a needle going in my stomach was terrifying. And it came with risk. It can trigger labor, that is something we just couldn’t risk. Not when she needed every fighting chance she could get. She needed to grow.

A blood test. Blood test, I can handle that, it’s non invasive and posed no risk to her. It would tell us if she had it and would be back in less then two weeks. Ok let’s do it.

While we wait she needs to grow. She is measuring 21 weeks and in places only 17. She is tiny. I’m given strict instructions to eat. Constantly eat. Oh boy this is going to be uh interesting. Thank goodness I’m throwing up less.

I’m told to come back on the 14th. We will check growth and hopefully have her results.

We leave and we are just in shock. We didn’t expect to hear she might be sick. Open heart surgery, down syndrome wow that is a lot to take in. We went and bought her car seat and me a pump. Everyone tried to be positive. It would be fine. She was just small and the test would be negative. Everything would be fine.

I went to see my regular doctor on the 9th. We went to the room and went over my visit with the specialist. Itold them about the heart defect and the risk for downs. We talked for a few minutes. Then she had me lay back to be measured. So far so good still small but fundal hight is ok. Then they got out the doppler. The second she put it on my stomach my heart dropped. Her heart rate was so low. In the 70s. Fuck.

My midwife had to run across the hall to the other office because they had no ultrasound tech. I ran through the office with my pants halfway down my shirt pulled up, to the ultrasound room. The nurse pulled her up on the screen and her heart rate was back to normal. A fluke they figured. Her cord had been decompressed or something. The tech came in to check and she was still ok. Her fluid was a little low but not to bad.

We left and talked about what a brat she was. She must have been mad she didn’t get her picture taken out something. Silly girl was going to be grounded til she was 30 for scaring me so bad.

That weekend we painted half of her nursery and I set up her crib. Monday we would find out she had grown I just knew she had I’d ate so much and was convinced she was getting bigger. Everything would be fine. I’d get steroid shots for her lungs and we had made it another week.

If only.

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