The beginning of the end

Bare with me this part is hard.

Monday October 14th came. Today was the day. The one that changed everything.

I had to take Emmett to the doctor that morning I don’t even remember why now. I just remember seeing our favorite doctor and her asking how I was doing. And instead of saying ok, I said well we will see this afternoon. I was a nervous wreck. All I wanted was for 2:30 to get there so I could say see you all were wrong she is healthy.

Eric came home at noon so he could go to the appointment. We took the kids to my mom’s and we were on our way.

We sat in the office and I just shook.I couldn’t stop. I knew. I knew what was coming. It took forever to go back and we had to listen to the Disney channel on tv. We saw all these couples come and go and I kept thinking you know this fucking sucks. One of the worst thing about a high risk doctor is the amount of drug addicts that are there. Yes I know at least they are at an appointment blah blah blah. I didn’t care, I was scared. I’m a good person and here we sat waiting because something was wrong.

After an eternity they called us back. They didn’t say much just started the ultrasound. There were two techs this time. There was my girl on the screen for the first time she was in a good position. Growth, none. Damnit why hasn’t she grown. Fluid, low. Movement, not much. Everything was spinning already. The second tech left to get the doctor and the first one just kept looking at her heart.

The doctor came in, and the last time he was so nice very reassuring to us. This time he was quiet, to quiet. I heard him swear under his breath and held my breath for what was to come.

I knew.

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